


Grief is a Ghost

by theredanemone



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Capital Punishment, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 02:54:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11118429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theredanemone/pseuds/theredanemone
Summary: Following Abra Kadabra's execution, Cynthia has a hard time letting go.





	Grief is a Ghost

It was done. Over with. And she should've been able to put it behind her. But something about it lingered, and Cynthia just… couldn't be calm.  
The criminal known as Abra Kadabra had finally paid the debt he had owed for his crimes. Weeks before, Cynthia had stood amongst a dozen witnesses, waiting on tenterhooks for some sign that the bastard and his theatrics had one last trick up his sleeve for them. She had trained her eyes upon his face and braced for something, anything, to happen. He'd never get away again. Not if she could help it.   
When the moment finally came, his eyes fluttered closed, and she could swear that there was a soft smile frozen in the corners of his mouth. It should have ended for her there.  
In the days that followed, Cynthia had waited for the knot in her stomach to loosen, but that peace just never came. Maybe it was stress, maybe it had been a mistake to look into a dying man's eyes. Maybe it was something else. All she knew was that whenever she closed her eyes, the memory of her lost partner was there waiting for her. And she couldn't shake him off.  
She knew she needed to get away, go someplace warm. With barely a second thought, she went to Cisco.  
\---  
They'd left off on awkward footing, she knew. Ironically, because of a rift driven between them by the very man that brought her back to him now. But Cisco looked relieved to see her, even happy, if she could believe it.   
The pipeline was cold and quiet, the other members of his team occupied elsewhere with whatever mess of the week was in their lap. He eased himself down onto the floor beside her, next to one of their empty meta human cells. She knew that she should thank him for making the time for her, but the words kept catching in her throat. She'd barely managed to tell him that Abra Kadabra was dead.  
It was strange, but now that she was here, Cynthia wasn't so sure that she was ready to talk.  
Luckily for her, Cisco never seemed to have that problem.  
“I would think that you'd be relieved,” he told her. “Isn't that what you wanted?”  
Cynthia didn't know how to answer. She tried to string together something coherent, but instead she drew a long breath and let whatever words there were to tumble out.   
“I did. At least I thought I did. I don't know.” She found she couldn't look at him. “There were so many times that I just wanted to-to watch him writhe- for what he did to us.”  
Cisco bristled a little. At what, she wasn't sure, but he let her continue.  
“Watching Kadabra go didn't… bother me. But it didn't satisfy me either. I don't feel much of anything, if I'm being honest. It's not at all what I expected.” Her eyes fell to her hands tucked in her lap.   
“It's never easy watching someone die,” Cisco offered softly.  
“I've seen people die,” she replied.  
“I know but,” he hesitated, “I imagine that watching someone be executed haunts you in different ways.”  
“Kadabra’s not haunting me,” she said before she could stop herself.  
She could feel Cisco's eyes on her.  
“Then who is?” he asked.  
They were here, and she suddenly wanted to take it all back.  
“Is it him?” Cisco pressed gently.   
She didn't answer. A part of her wished that she'd never told him.   
Cisco mercifully let it slide.   
“You know, I lost my brother a few months ago,” he told her.  
“I didn't know that.” She fixed her gaze on a wall panel across from them, not yet bold enough to look at him. She could hear the smile in his voice when he replied.  
“Of course you wouldn't! I just mean it was… sudden, and I wanted someone to fix it. I couldn't make sense out of it.”  
Cynthia peered at him from the corner of her eye, and was struck by just how soft he seemed in this moment. How on any earth did he manage to be so soft?  
“I was angry at everything, everyone,” he continued, absentmindedly picking at his nails. “The driver who killed him went to jail, and for some reason, it was like he wasn't free for me to be angry at anymore. Like I needed someone to blame, and I ended up pinning it all on a friend.”  
Cynthia didn't pretend to understand what that meant, but she had a feeling that she knew where he was going with his story.  
“It's complicated, and it took awhile for me to realize, but eventually, I had to admit that it was just, easier, for me to hold onto that anger rather than deal with the regret.”  
Something was closing in on her and she didn't like the feeling.   
“Dante and I didn't have the best relationship when he died. Grieving for him meant grieving for everything I never got to say to him.” He was looking at her intently now, and she wished he would stop.   
“Kadabra’s gone. There's no one to be angry at anymore. So what's left?”   
And that was it. What did she have left after all of this? Another notch on her capture record and a lover that still couldn't come back, no matter what she did to make it square. A myriad of thoughts and emotions that she'd been too proud to lend her voice to when she had the chance.   
When she still had him.   
“Do you know what I said to him, the first time he said he loved me?” Cynthia asked, shaking her head incredulously. “I said, ‘Oh! Okay!’ He laughed and kissed me anyway.”  
Cisco shrugged. “You froze. It happens.”  
But Cynthia shook her head again. It was rising up in her now, choking her, the tears beginning to well as she weighed her next words, knowing full well that they would matter for as long as they lived.  
“It's not easy... I'm, not easy to love,” she whispered, and Cisco drew closer. “But he always made it seem like it was the easiest thing in the world!” A sob tore out of her, and there was no stopping it now.   
Cisco pulled her in close, his cheek resting atop her head as she cried against his chest. She needed someone to understand. This thing that he wanted so badly with her, she needed him to understand what he was getting himself into.  
“And I never understood why! I was terrible to him. I shouldn't have had to learn how to say ‘I love you’ back! But he stayed anyway. And I never told him how much that meant.”  
Cynthia peeled herself away from Cisco, and met his tear filled eyes with hers.   
“I don't want to repeat history, but I'll make mistakes. I'm a hard person, and it's not going to be easy on you.”  
Cisco's eyes seemed to widen with the realization of what she was saying. He blew out a sigh, his shoulders seemed to relax, and his eyes fluttered closed as he smiled. He understood. She could see it. Of course he did. Maybe that was just the kind of man Cisco was. He drew her face to his and kissed her softly on her forehead.  
“Oh, you soft girl,” he teased, thumbing away a tear from her cheek. “You're easier to love than you think.”  
A tightness that she didn't even realize she was holding seemed to unfold from her limbs and she felt weak, exhausted.  
“Now, let's get you some coffee!” Cisco declared cheerfully. Cynthia smiled in spite of herself, and she couldn't help but lean into him again, holding Cisco, letting the past go.  
“Thank you,” she said, to them both.


End file.
